5 Things I Learned From My Sons-Lesson #1

Today's blog is about the lessons I learned from boys.

Lesson #1: "Take your time to respond"

I recently started working at a private school and majority of the students are male.  When I started teaching there, I observed how the male students responded to my questions and comments during the class discussion. Most of them were quiet and very reserved and the boys were slower to respond to the emotional based questions.  At first I thought, "oh, well this feeds into what I assumed about males in general, they process their information internally."  Well, I realized something else was happening that I was not aware of.  The boys were responding with silence because they have been taught to respond with silence.  You see, typically when we teach boys about their emotions, we either tell them that they cannot express how they feel or we just don't talk about it at all.  When the boys are asked to express how they feel, we get upset when they have nothing to say.  It's absurd!  I had to back track and create a lesson about emotions and communication.  I used Poetry and Public Speaking as a way to teach it.  Each day, I taught the boys how to recognize what they feel, how to respond to what they feel, how to relate to the way others feel. I also taught them how to control how they feel and how to express certain feelings to one another.  I also focused on triggers and symptoms of our emotions.   As time progressed, I began to notice that the boys would take their time to respond but they would respond. It was almost as if they were searching themselves first before they responded to the question or the scenario.

Take away:
Take your time to respond. Certain situations can be avoided if we take the time to think about the outcome of our decisions.

Blessings to you and all the best!

#singlemomchronicles

The Single Mom Chronicles: "The Day I Stopped Caring!"

 "The Day I Stopped Caring"

Hello loves. I am so glad that you came back.  I don't have very many friends so I appreciate you sticking around. Ok, so here it is. Let me just say this, A few years I stopped caring about many things.  I want to give you a list of what I stopped caring about. You may have had similar cares as well!

1. What people think-this is a HUGE one. Let me start off by saying that I don't give a crap about what people think about me. I never really cared and now, I REALLY DON'T CARE! I do not live to please people and their opinions of me. I give my all to those who I care about and the things I care about, however; anyone or anything else gets the toilet seat. <<<<<
2. Stomach fat-ladies listen, stomach fat is your friend! Stop trying to unfriend it and welcome the damn bond. It's ok, I promise. I have a serious suck in game that no one else has mastered but honey let me tell you, when I let that sucker go-it's game over! Embrace your fat friend and spend time with it.  You will realize that it is your best ally. I have even mastered sitting food on top of it and my kids grab it from time to time when they want to show me something. My youngest son even uses it as a ramp for his toy cars.

3. My feet-this one is another HUGE one for me as well. Ok, so let me get this straight. I DO NOT, I REPEAT, I DO NOT go around with bad looking feet. I take alot of pride in the way my feet look. What I will say is that I inherited my fathers feet (oh, God!) and I have spent thousands of dollars trying to make them look feminine. Now, I have done a great job I may say but once the polish is off and there isn't any lotion around, its game over! So therefore, I keep the polish and lotion on and I invest in the pedi-socks.  I care about my feet, I just stopped trying so hard to make them look a certain way so that I don't get the stares.  Well guess what? I figured out that I am going to get the stares anyway. I have big feet! I stopped caring about trying to have "pretty feet" If this is your thing guys, move the hell on! It is what it is! Besides, I look for men who have uglier feet than mine. Ladies, if you have dog claws for toenails, paint and lotion those suckers and slip on those pretty sandals and keep it moving!

4. Passing gas-stop holding that stuff in, you are going to DIE! I suffer from it now because I used to hold it in not wanting to let the man I was dating know that I had it.  Well guess what? I have it and I am passing it where it needs to be passed-in the bathroom. If you have a problem with it-too bad!
I have gotten too old to be worried about what you think about my insides, that's a battle on its own.  I am a lady and I will always be a lady but I will be a lady without deadly gas too. It's not cute to walk around with a lop-sided stomach.  Let that crap go, literally!

5. Cooking-ok, I must admit that God skipped over the cooking gene when He made me. I guess He thought I was beautiful enough and He gave me more than enough intelligence to last several life times. I am not the cook.  I love to eat but I am not the COOK! You may ask, "can you cook?" the answer is, "yes."  I just don't like to. I always date men who can cook.  It takes the pressure off. I cook enough for my children to survive. They are still living so its edible and it works.  I used to stress myself out because I would come home from work, take care of everyone and everything, and try to make a Martha Stewart meal. Not anymore! Listen, if my kids say that they want Waffles and Cheetos for dinner, my response is, "add some Green Beans and you can have it!" DEAD SERIOUS! I am raising them on my own and I am not making any excuses but I am not going to stress myself out about it and die an early death because of the stress.  I would hate to get to heaven and someone ask me, "why are you here so early?"  My response would be, "well, I was so stressed about whether to cook Steak and Asparagus, Beenie Weenies or Hamburger Helper that I passed out and went into cardiac arrest!" NOT THIS WOMAN! So, therefore I cook what I can and leave the rest to all of those good people who open nice restaurants and they hire the best chef's in the land. Many of those places are open 24-7, what a perfect time for us!

Listen, the point of this post is to encourage you or someone you know.  Don't get bent out of shape! Life is not that serious! Let loose every now and again! Don't allow others opinion of you shape who you are, what you do and how you do it-be like Nike and JUST DO IT!

Signing off,
The Single Mother Who Doesn't Give A Damn

The Single Mom Chronicles

Hello my loves. I just wanted to say that I am sorry for not following up and posting. I have been busy raising children and getting degrees. I am going to go a different route with my blog. I want to make this particular series about the something that I know a lot about-single parenting. I have had the pleasure of being a single parent for most of my life. Yes, I said the pleasure of because I wouldn't trade it for nothing in the world. It really has been a gift and many opportunities have come out of it. Trust me, I have tried to change it and no one wants to be bothered my OCD, Narcoleptic, Insomniac ass! I am also a hoarder that loves chocolate and cheese; not together of course. I have just realized how funny my life is and humor is my survival tactic.
Today is Sunday, July 31, 2016 and I am super excited. Why am I excited you may ask? Well, I will tell you; the kids go back to school tomorrow. I can't believe it. I feel like I have been in a desert in the middle of nowhere with no water, no food, nothing! I feel like I've had no sign of anyone coming to dig me out of this place called, "the kids are out for the summer".  If you do not have children then you will not understand. I cannot tell you how happy I am today. I will be even happier tomorrow when their bus pulls up and I actually see them get on the bus and the bus drives off.  Listen, I know you may be judging me already for saying this about my own children but guess what? I don't care!  I am a single mother of 3 children, 2 live in the house and 1 is in college. The 2 who live in the house with me are 16 and 12.  They are ready to start a job and pay taxes and social security. Seriously! I literally have to hide my food and my snacks, not that I don't do that anyway, but its even worse in the summer. I mean really, why didn't anyone tell me that its possible for a piece of life to eat enough groceries for ten people.  I have lost a lot of weight because there are only scraps left. Only if the smells equates to the actual food then I would be ok.  Well, that's enough of my complaining. I am off to see how angry my kids are as they get on the bus. I am going to just smile and waive.

Sincerely,

The Single Mom Who Doesn't Give a Damn!

Hello,

So, here goes nothing. I have come to a place in my life where I am beginning to stare into space and into people. I know that may sound very weird but I am really looking at people for who they really are and dealing with them from where they are. That said, I just experienced one of the most interesting quarters of my life. In the third quarter of last year, I lost my granny, ran for City Council, quit my job, took my ex husband back to court, started a new business, my kids' guinea pigs died (3 of them) and divorced some people who I considered "associates"! and dang, they didn't even make it to the "friends" category fast enough before they received the "bye Felicia". Well, I know that many of you are saying, "geez, lady, what are you wearing a Wonder-woman cape?" Well, all of it is great and it came with many high points and upsets. I had to swallow my hurt from losing my granny. She was my everything. She was my rock. I loved the ground that woman walked on? Well, if that's the case, then why do I feel so guilty? I will tell you why I feel so guilty, you see, I fell for the okie-doke. I fell for the "strong woman" stereotype. There is no doubt in my mind that I am not a strong woman. As a matter of fact, I am too strong at times. I am so strong, that I arm wrestle my own self and lose. I no longer want to arm wrestle myself. I no longer want to be this Superwoman. I am ready to take off my cape and  pass it on to some other woman who is just now embracing her strength. I am not saying that I don't want to be strong anymore, I am just saying that I no longer need to be VALIDATED by that kind of strength. I don't want to be as strong. I just want to be. The strength enabled me to do so many things but it caused me to be so busy doing so many things that I missed out on the important things. I missed out on living life. I missed out on some important phone calls. I missed on some smiles, I missed on out some games, I missed out some unseen opportunities, I missed out on my life.
I no longer live my life in participation mode, I live it in observation and participation mode. I treasure the overlooked, I treasure the fights, I treasure the mishaps. I learned alot from last year. I was the student and the teacher definitely showed up. My granny's death, my run for City Council, the loss of my childrens' guinea pigs and everything else was very valuable. From the death of my granny, I learned that nothing in life is guaranteed, except that once you are born, you will die. Everything in between the birth and death is be enjoyed thoroughly! From the death of my childrens' guinea pigs, I learned that even the smallest animals have purpose. God has a way of showing Himself in anything, if you are paying attention. I realized that I created a very strong family bond with my children and the pets and one missing person or animal, or the lack of attention to one entity throws off the family energy.  When I took my ex-husband back to court, I realized that I was still holding on to something that was deeply rooted and I needed to cut the root (no it was not him). When I ran for City Council, started my business, and quit my job, I learned that we are all responsible for taking a few risks and I hadn't touched my risk list yet. I also learned that God is always listening and we must not ask for things that we do not want. Lastly, the associates that I had to cut off, time is precious-don't waste time categorizing things and situations that aren't necessary. Just don't!

Thanks!  Woo-sah!!!